My rational mind tells me that it is sheer coincidence that I have run into Cindy, as well as seen the boy with the tattoo. Yet, I secretly wonder if coincidence is really the case. I know that beneath the surface of things are hidden connections I cannot see. I greet my two boys and their friend. What have they been doing?
The rest and bath have refreshed my nerves, despite some lingering doubts about the disinfectant I have used earlier in the tub. I make a conscious decision to put aside these doubts and focus on the present, which is frankly not so easy to do. I will enjoy the night with my boys and I will put aside all of these surreal moments. Yet, my thoughts don't seem to be cooperating.
The genesis of the double does not require an inordinate amount of knowledge to write about, especially given the amount of literature already written on the subject. Yet, even with this knowledge of those well known for delving into the unconscious like Freud, Jung, and Poe, I am compelled to explain my own uncanny experiences with this world which has suddenly become hard to explain. Why do I feel like I am in the twilight zone? I make a note to read books on authenticity and identity in the modern world. The boys are making a joke about something that must be an inside joke since they are not sharing it. I shake off the sense of feeling like an outsider.
An obscure writer named Pittacus Lore stole from Freud when he said that "He who doesn't understand history is doomed to repeat it." This same thinking is repeated in the Bible. "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32) I am not particularly religious, but I can quote the bIble when I need to. Apparently, Pittacus Lore is a collected pseudonym of James Frey and Jobie Hughes, who write fantasy and science books. James Frey wrote a book called A Million Little Pieces and was accused of making the story up. I think about the way I repeat myself: sentences, routines, clothes, and food. Is there anything wrong with repetition? "Repetition opens doors, you know?" This said by one Tim Lucas who has written a companion book to Bram Stoker's Dracula.
I remind myself of the connection between the unconscious, science fiction, fantasy, and possibly horror. Perhaps there is a certain horror in realizing that you cannot escape the past unless you apply patience, perseverance and discipline.
I tell the boys that we ought to start walking to the restaurant for dinner. As we prepare to leave the lobby, I take one look down the long hallway to the left. As Cindy disappears, the elevator simultaneously closes on the boy with the tattoo .. and all remnants of the past disappear. The only reminder is a light bulb on the ceiling which needs changing. I close my eyes for a brief moment and relish the shade of lipstick I have chosen.